Click where you want to go.
A waffle comic strip | The Ode to Waffles
| The Waffle Song| The Waffle
King Lryics- by Wierd Al | Stuff about the Order of the 3rd Waffle|
The First Letter from the Waffle King
| The Second Letter from the Waffle King | The
Third Letter | The Waffle Prayer
| School Poem
Ode To Waffles
Waffle, O Waffle - Joy Of My Life,
How I like to eat you with a fork and knife,
You are golden-brown, crispy and good,
You, O Waffle, are my favorite kind of food.
Would I eat you while I'm skankin'?
Would I eat you while phone-pranking?
Would I eat you in a boat?
Would I eat you with a goat?
Would I eat you if you were dusty?
Would I eat you if you were krusty?
Would I eat you in Satan's lair?
Yes, I would eat you anywhere!
And if I don't have a waffle, I don't panic,
I don't go insane or turn satanic,
but something happens to me that is awful-
I start to eat anything that sorta looks like a waffle!
Checkered clothes have a bad taste,
and no tile floor is safe,
plaid shirts and chessboards (made of wood!),
all start to look real good.
Oh Waffle, Waffle, Waffle, who could say,
what would happen to me if I could not eat you every day?
The Waffle Song: by Best Brains Inc.
W is for the many ways you're served
A is for the admiration you deserve
F is because you're fluffy, flakey and fun
F is for flavor, you're second to none
L is for light, you melt in my mouth
E is for eggs !-oh baby
put it all together with a how do you do, WAFFLES, we love you!
WAF-FLES we love YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!
Waffle King Lyrics- by Weird Al
It took a lifetime, but finally found
The perfect waffle recipe
You'll never find a batter any better in this whole stinkin' town
One little bite any I'm sure you'll agree Your eyes roll back and your
knees get weak
Aw, You're gonna lick your plate clean
People come from miles around just to study my technique
I make the best darn waffles this world has ever seen
I'm the Waffle King (yeah)
Waffle King
That's what they call me
Waffle King
Hey, I'm the Waffle King
Everywhere I go now, the people cheer
I never have to wait in line
People say, "Right this way, sir, your money's no good here"
Some day I betcha they'll build me a shrine
And everybody says, "Well I'm your biggest fan!"
"I've seen your picture in People Magazine!"
Folks come from all around the world just to shake my hand
If you don't believe in the power of the waffle lemme show you just what
I mean
I'm the Waffle King
Make you scream and shout
Waffle King
That's my name, don't wear it out
Waffle King
Make no mistake about it
I'm the Waffle King (yeah) Roll out the red carpet, 'cause here I come!
All you peons better scram
Out of my way now, you worthless piece of scum
Don't you know who I am?
Hey! I wanna see you grovel, you waffle-eatin' fools
Everybody on your Knees!
You wanna buy a waffle, you're playing by MY rules
Go on, beg me, lemme here you say ,"Pretty Please"
Can't you tell the universe revolves around me?
Don't you know you suckers owe me everything?
And can't you see that I'm the highest form of life that there could ever
be?
Everybody all around the world, stand up and sing
Come on now...
Waffle King
Hey batter batter
Waffle King
Hot on your platter
Waffle King
Say, what's the matter
Don't you know who I am?
Don't you know who I am?
Tell 'em girls (He's the WA WA WA WA WA WA WAFFLE KING)
Yeah Yeah (He's the WA WA WA WA WA WA WAFFLE KING)
Tell the truth now (He's the WA WA WA WA WA WA WAFFLE KING)
Don't you know who I am?
Don't you know who I am?
Stuff about the Order of the 3rd Waffle and letters to me from Waffleking--I have been asked to join the Order of the 3rd Waffle by his greatness, the Waffleking. My rank is Grand Hikeeba. You get a cool newsletter. If you want to join, e-mail the Waffleking here. Here are the two very funny letters Waffleking has sent to me.
The First Letter
Ah! The Great Waffle Spirit is pleased! I am the Most High One of the
Syrup, but you may call me WaffleKing. Bow before me! Ok, you don't have
to bow, how bout just a little curtsey? No? A salute? OK, what about just
a nod of recognition? Oh, come on, at least give me the nod! Could you
at least get me a beer out of the fridge? Fine! I'll get it myself!
As the Most High one of the Syrup, I am the prophet of the WaffleSpirit,
who cares for and protects everything light and crispy. I am also the
head of the cult, Order of the 3rd Waffle, where we worship the waffle
for the higher deity that it is, along with its previous prophets such
as, Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth, and Hungry Jack. Do you know that waffles
make excellent dress shields? As recognition for your excellent work with
waffles, I invite you to join the order. Join now, and get this complimentary
tote bag! You could get the very high rank of Grand Hikeeba. As Hikeeba,
your main duty will be to get me chicks. (hey, I don't have time for it,
I'm busy talking the the Great Spirit all day) In prehistoric times, waffles
ruled the earth, growing 50 feet tall and would eat HUMANS for breakfast.
Your only other duty will be to sacrifice a waffle every week by burning
it in the toaster. That's it. We're not big on "rules" or "duty"
or "bathing" or "marrying outside the family" or other
crap like that. When the Great Waffle cometh, no one will be spared! The
streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers! Huh, cool huh?
Crispily yours,
Mike the WaffleKing
The Second Letter
The Most High and Mighty WaffleKing welcomes you into the fold!
Here's your complimentary T-shirt.
.... ______..............______
..../...........\______/............ \
../..........................................\
/.............................................\
|..............................................
|
|__| ......I joined a death ......|__|
......|.......cult and all I got.....|
......|......was
this crummy.....|
......|............T-shirt..............|
......|...................................
|
......|....................................|
......|__________________|
As a Grand Hikeeba you are in charge of the Sect of Titicaca, don't get
a head trip, your sect is totally empty. You wanna boss people around,
get recruits. Eventually you will receive the the most holy waffle scriptures
"The Big Hairy Bloated Book O' Waffles" and the Waffle FAQ.
Don't expect them for a long time, though. The Waffle Spirit is too lazy
to tell me any of it, and I'm too lazy to write it down, we get along
fine. Your only other duty, Hikeeba, is to prepare for the armeggedon,
which is set for August 19, 3124, so keep that date open on your calender.
Unless it rains out that day, then the apocolypse will be postponed until
May 22, 3244. It will begin with a rousing sand volleyball tournament
and continue until the street flow of the blood of the nonbelievers. After
that there will be punch and cookies in the fellowship hall. See you there!
Being a danger to myself and others,
Mike the "once and future" WaffleKing
The Third Letter
Hikkeba,
Nice prayer, its much better than my old one "Dear Spirit, gimmie
some more waffles, jack@$$!" maybe now he'll quit smiting me with
plagues. Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night laughing? Well
you wouldn't be laughing if you had scurvey!!!!! Think about it.
Keep spreading the fornication,
WaffleKing
The waffle prayer is a prayer I developed for the Order of the 3rd Waffle.
THE WAFFLE PRAYER
O, Great WaffleSpirit, bless this thine Order of the 3rd Waffle, that
we might consume many a waffle, in thy mercy. Let us worship your holy
trinity of prophets, they being Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth, and Hungry
Jack. Thou shalt leadeth us away from temptation, such as the pancakes,
french toast, frosted cereals, and breakfast foods alike to these in their
manner. And, whence we sin, let thou not smite us with thy seven horrible
death plagues of locusts, frogs, rabid wallabies, McDonald's food, Apple
computers, the WB network, and small bits of cheese. And, let thee strike
downest upon the non-believers, and beat them without mercy with thy wooden
spoons, car doors, CPR dummies, large woodwind instruments, liquid soap,
toilet seats, overhead projectors, and other miscellaneous implements
of beating, that the streets may flow with their wretched blood, and the
we might rejoice, and dance a holy waffle dance. And, if it shalt please
thou, leadeth us upon a quest to find the Holiest Waffle Iron, that maketh
waffles that are neither burnt nor have innards of uncooked batter. The
will of the Great Waffle Spirit be done. Amen.
This poem has nothing to do with waffles, but it is cool and it sums
up my feelings about school and life and stuff.
Who Needs School?
Read it? Forget it - I'll get the video?
My calculator takes care of my math.
Don't need art, my computer has graphics,
This spell checking program makes spelling a laugh.
No need to write, since I got a printer,
And my preprogrammed keyboard makes music divine.
I don't need friends, 'cause I have Nintendo.
Just don't unplug me and I'll be fine.
